Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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