Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
