the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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