If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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