He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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