I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
