I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
