just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize