There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
