he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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