I hope mine doesn't look like that
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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