I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
