so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
