Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
