i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
