I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
