I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He better not be in your backpack
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
