our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
