So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
