white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
