He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
