Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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