i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I stole a fireplace last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
