Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
