Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
