if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
