Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
