Me too!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize