Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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