oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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