Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
