Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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