Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
