She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
