So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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