They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
