its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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