Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I had to cum in my sink.
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