That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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