I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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