we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When are your genitals available?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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