The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
