i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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