just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
