and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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