Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
