get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
