so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize