you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
