I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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