I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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