K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think people are normalizing furries
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
