small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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