just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini