I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup