I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.