turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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